


star boy

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, M/M, One Shot, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Rare Pair, Soulmate AU, daltrick, fall out boy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:38:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7915483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>soulmates au. gerard has no life, bert is a fucktard, and dallon is the best thing that has happened to this earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	star boy

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase intentional.
> 
> something happened with my computer and i was unable to use italics in this fic, so some formatting may see off- italics were probably meant to be there, and i'm sorry if this makes anything confusing or hard to read.

it was 11:58 on april eighth, and here gerard was, standing shirtless in front of his mirror. he was young, only seventeen - well, in two minutes, he was going to be eighteen - and he studied himself, as he didn't look that young. dark, stringy hair fell around his defined cheekbones which crowned above his thin lips. bright hazel eyes stared back at him.

 

he let himself fall backwards on to his bed, hair splayed around his head in a halo - like fashion, and sighed deeply. would they ever come ? would it be a pretty girl ? what color would it be ? questions filled his mind like smoke filled lungs and he closed his eyes, letting the light from his fairy lights fade to black behind his eyelids.

 

it was 11:59 on april eighth. gerard rolled over on to his stomach and looked at his hands. they were marked, lined, and ink smudged, contrasting greatly with the rest of his pale, unmarked skin. everything on his body was pale - well, at least almost all of the skin. the space under and around his eyes were an exception, as they were darkened with time and sleepless nights in which he would stay up, thinking about this coming moment.

 

he moved so that his body was once again visible in the mirror. he gave his slightly chubby body a once - over and sighed again, glancing at the blue numbers on his digital clock. one minute. one minute until his future was decided for him.

 

it was the night before gerard's birthday, and he was desperately awaiting his marks. he had an earlier birthday, which meant he was going to be one of the first to receive them.

 

on the eighteenth birthday of every child on planet earth, two marks would appear. the locations would vary. much like tattoos, you could say. except, they had incredible meaning, unlike many tattoos.

 

the marks of each child were all different. there would be two of them, and they were both names, names of people who were to be extremely significant in your life. one, the name of your 'soulmate' or something along equally as cheesy lines, and the other, the name of the person who could potentially ruin your life. next to the name was a word : a word that tied together your relationship.

 

for example, gerard's parents. donna way had the name of gerard's father on the inside of her thigh - donald - along with the word paint. donald had her name on his bicep with the same word. they met at an art gallery in new york. see? it was incredibly perfect, pairing together the people who were perfect for each other in ways they could actually understand. or, at least pretend to understand.

 

it was 12:00 on april ninth, and gerard bounced on the balls of his toes, hands clenched into fists, the skin of his fingers turning white with the pressure. he bit his lip, studying his body in the mirror. he didn't know what to expect, or what it would look like, or how it would feel. hell, he didn't know how to tell apart his enemy mark and his soulmate mark.

 

he didn't have enough time to worry, as suddenly, everything became blurry. the mirror swirled in front of his eyes, and he reached a hand out to steady himself on the edge of his dresser, but missed and went crashing down to the floor. he curled into a tight ball, eyes screwed shut, head pounding with pain. blood roared in his ears until finally, everything went dark.

 

•••

 

what eventually woke him was the strong light streaming in through the windows, lighting up the backs of his eyelids bright red. his first thought was, wow, cool, nice headache, but all thoughts of his headache were forgotten when he remembered the actual cause of the headache.

 

he scrambled to his feet, ignoring the sharp pain in his side, and staggered to his mirror, turning this way and that to see any signs that the marks had shown up. for a second he was terrified, terrified that he would be the kid without a soulmate, and be destined to be forever alone, but all worries of eternal sadness were lost when he saw a flash of black ink on his ribs, and another blue one on the inside of his wrist. he looked at the one on his wrist first, blood coursing in excitement.

 

it read just two words, but who knew two words could change his life so easily.

 

bert ; mirrors

 

gerard, of course, was both ecstatic and terrified, assuming that, because the name was presumably male, then this would be his enemy, and the other would be his soulmate.

 

he hurried on from the blue ink, moving on to the black on his ribs, just below his pec. he read the words carefully, time after time, to make sure he wasn't seeing things, but nope, that was definitely a guy's name too.

 

dallon ; nebula

 

gerard sighed and sat down on his bed. personally, he was thrilled, as he was pansexual, but oh my god what would people at school say?

 

he layed down, letting the sunlight and faint glow of the fairy lights wash over him. he almost fell asleep again, but realizing he had school, stood up and somehow made his way to the bathroom without falling over.

 

his parents were still asleep - they didn't really pay much attention to him - and so gerard could get away with wearing just a smudge of eyeliner on the edges of his eyelids. if anyone else wore eyeliner at school, it would be weird and gay, but when gerard wore it? it was hot. and so, since it wasn't a bad thing when gerard wore it, he was basically the only guy who could pull it off besides frank, who looked really good in it, and pete wentz, who was practically the god of eyeliner - not because he looked good in it, but because he was basically a walking stick of eyeliner, that's how much he wore. a pete without eyeliner meant the world was ending, or some shit along the same lines.

 

he wordlessly walked back from the bathroom, still in his pajamas and eyes ringed in eyeliner and sleep. he silently readied himself in getting dressed for school that day, making sure to wear a shirt that would show no possibility whatsoever of showing dallon's name on his chest.

 

•••

 

Gerard walked with head low, hands shoved in his pockets, earbuds in his ears. Nothing was playing from his phone and through the earbuds though - he just liked the comforting familiarity of them resting in his ears. With them, nobody would approach him, trying to speak to him. Well everybody except for -

 

"gee!" gerard heard the call faintly from across the street. he reluctantly pulled out his left earbud, glancing across the street to see frank waving vivaciously at him. he sighed internally and forced a bright smile onto his face.

 

frank dashed across the street, not even looking both ways before stepping out onto the pavement. gerard shook his head and took out the other earbud, wrapping the chord around his phone before putting it back into the pocket of his old hoodie. frank sidled up next to him and threw an arm around the taller boy. or, tried to, as frank was about five feet tall and a freshman, while gerard was a senior and five feet nine inches, so frank's arm landed awkwardly around gerard's waist.

 

"hey, gerard." frank smiled up at him, dropping his arm from where it rested around gerard. "happy birthday!"

 

gerard nodded weakly, head still throbbing from the events of the past night. "ah, thanks, frank." frank grinned back at him, and they walked in a comfortable silence.

 

frank may have been a freshman, and he may have been a little annoying, but frank was gerard's best friend. they had known each other ever since gerard, as an innocent little fourth grader, had caught frank, a first grader at the time, having a panic attack in the school yard. gerard had helped him to the nurse, and since that day, they had been inseparable.

 

frank drew in a sharp breath from next to gerard, and gerard sighed, knowing what was coming next.

 

"did you - did you get the marks?" frank jumped up and down, still keeping pace somehow with gerard, who walked very fast due to his long legs.

 

gerard nodded again, eyes on the cracked pavement in from of them. "yeah, yeah i got them."

 

frank squealed, causing gerard to cringe and shrink back into his scarf. "well? show me!" frank tugged on gerard's sleeve impatiently.

 

gerard sighed - again - and stopped walking, licking his lips just slightly, as they were chapped from the chill of the wind. he rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie to reveal the pale skin of his wrist, so pale you could see faint blue veins crawling under his skin like thin spiderwebs. the stark blue marks stood out against his milky flesh, creating a contrast that, in any other situation, would be quite stunning.

 

gerard help his breath as frank read bert's name. frank's lips slowly curled into a smile, and he looked up at gerard, grinning. "bert, huh? sounds like a dick."

 

gerard chuckled. "yeah, he does, doesn't he." he pulled his sleeve back down, covering up his skin.

 

"where's the other one?" frank said, bouncing up on the balls of his feet, fists clenching and unclenching in anticipation.

 

"it's on my chest." gerard hissed, worried someone would somehow find out about the boy that was inked into his flesh in words and harsh black lines. "i can't - i can't show you here."

 

frank frowned. "c'mon, why not?" at this point, they were in sight of the school, and they could see the students entering the building, either laughing with their friends, or keeping to themselves. it didn't really matter - gerard was just self conscious of his body, and he didn't want anybody seeing his stomach. frank tugged on his sleeve again. "why not?"

 

"you know why!" gerard seethed. frank rolled his eyes and suddenly veered to the side, pulling gerard off the sidewalk and into the grove of trees next to them.

 

frank crossed his arms. "c'mon, i'm really excited, and i can't wait until later!" he pouted a little bit, sticking out his bottom lip. "and it's not like i'm going to tell everyone you got naked for me in the woods."

 

"fine, you little shit," gerard growled. he let his backpack fall off of his shoulders and unzipped his hoodie, letting his misfits shirt show. frank perked up a bit at this. gerard noticed, and started to chuckle, but stopped once he remembered that he was angry at frank. he pulled up his shirt a little above his waistline, letting a small stripe of shockingly hite skin show, before hesitating. "are you sure you want to see? because i can show you later-"

 

"yes, fuck, yes, come on, you dick," frank jumped around a little bit, still pouting.

 

gerard glared at frank and pulled up his shirt all the way, letting the black ink show from where it stayed underneath his pec. he waited in silence as frank observed the mark.

 

"want to hear the good news or the bad news first?" frank said, pulling gerard's shirt back down so that the ivory flesh was covered.

 

"good news."

 

frank tilted his head to the side a little. "the good news is that it isn't a girl." gerard snorted a little, and frank looked at him worriedly. "the bad news is that it's a guy."

 

"you don't say," gerard mumbled, shrugging his hoodie back onto his shoulders.

 

frank rubbed his arm through the material of his sweatshirt. "if this gets out..."

 

"i know," gerard snapped. "i've thought about that. just, like, don't tell anyone, and it won't get out."

 

frank nodded.

 

they walked to class in silence, shoulders occasionally rubbing together. when gerard peeled away from frank to enter his english class, he sent frank a knowing look.

 

frank sent him a worried glance in return.

 

•••

 

the following night was torture. gerard stayed inside his room for the majority of the night, even though it was his birthday. frank had offered to take gerard out, like any good friend would do, but gerard wanted to stay indoors and have a chill night. besides, a night out with frank was basically them sitting inside playing mario kart, which gerard would totally be down for doing, but his migraine still remained from where he had passed out last night.

 

gerard sat on his bed, staring blankly at the dark screen of his phone, waiting for some sort of notification to pop up. maybe a birthday wish, even. his fairy lights reflected in the glass of the screen and created little pops of pink that kind of hurt his eyes. maybe people thought he was gay for having fairy lights, but gerard didn't care - besides, that was partly true, and he liked the way they looked. fuck whoever gave him shit for it.

 

he groaned and fell over so that he was lying on his back, facing the ceiling. he could hear his parents bickering downstairs with his little brother, mikey. mikey was more than a brother to him - he was one of his best friends. by now it might be pretty obvious that his parents didn't really pay much attention to him, and mikey was his only company at home, his only anchor to staying sane. in fact, his parents really didn't pay attention to him. they stopped paying for his food and clothing when he turned fifteen and mikey was still in sixth grade. gerard had been working at a comic shop to try to cover both his and mikey's necessities.

 

it wasn't a very big surprise that they were fighting - they had fought every single day for the past two weeks about the same exact thing - mikey's boyfriend, pete. yes, pete wentz, the walking stick of eyeliner, the king of all emos, the overseer of every misunderstood kid in their high school. mikey was a freshman, like frank, but pete was junior, and the age difference may have worried their parents a little. honestly. why would they care, though - they stopped caring about their children years ago. gerard supported mikey and pete completely, though his parents didn't as much.

 

the door to his bedroom opened and mikey stepped just inside the doorframe, face streaked with angry tears. he smiled weakly at his older brother. "hey, gee."

 

gerard sat up and crossed his legs on the bedding. "hi, mikes." he patted the bed next to him. "come, sit."

 

the younger boy sniffed and offered a half smile, walking to the bed and sitting on the edge. he brought a sweater paw up to his eyes and wiped away some of the tears that were drying there. gerard wordlessly hugged him, resting his chin atop the younger boy's head.

 

"i'm sorry," gerard whispered. "i wish we could just - i don't know. run away, or something."

 

mikey nodded. "yeah."

 

"actually," gerard leaned back to look at mikey. "when i turn twenty one? we're outta here, no matter what. okay?" he smiled, trying to gauge his brother's reaction. mikey smiled and nodded, still sniffling away tears.

 

mikey resumed his position with his head on gerard's chest. "gee?" gerard made a vague noise in response. mikey craned his neck around to look at his brother. "can i see them?"

 

"see what?" gerard said, frowning.

 

mikey chuckled. "your marks?"

 

gerard hummed and gently moved mikey off of him. he rolled up his sleeve to show the blue ink. mikey nodded and looked at gerard expectantly. "and the other one?"

 

the hem of gerard's shirt was pulled up until the shirt was all the way off of gerard's torso. it landed in a heap on the floor next to gerard's bed. mikey leaned closer to gerard's chest and his eyes widened in wonder at the black ink that curled into dallon's name. gerard leaned back, a little uncomfortable, and tugged his sheets off of his bed to cover himself. mikey beamed up at gerard. "i'm so hapy for you!"

 

gerard smiled weakly. "thanks, mikes."

 

they were interrupted by a small cracking noise coming from the window. they both stood up, the sheets still around gerard's torso, and hurried to the window, both smiling when they saw who was stood outside.

 

pete smiled back up at them, a pebble poised and ready to be thrown in his other hand. "mikey! we still on for tonight?" he whispered as soon as the window was open.

 

mikey nodded and started climbing out of the window, as gerard's room was right next to a drain pipe, and mikey had had a lot of practice climbing it over the past year.

 

"have fun, you two," gerard winked, and as soon as they were gone and the window was closed, he fell back onto his bed, deep in thought.

 

if mikey was allowed to have fun on gerard's eighteenth birthday, then why couldn't gerard?

 

•••

 

gerard wasn't exactly sure how he got there, but sure enough, there he was, his nose bleeding after being clean for three months. and sure, it felt great - sitting with someone he didn't know in the back room of a shitty corner deli, taking line after line of cocaine off of mirrors with dollar bills.

 

after his first line, it took a while for it to kick in, but it did, eventually. everything was sharper, clearer - he felt more alert and awake. and it was great. that familiar rush was coming back, and he turned to the guy he sat with, taking in his appearance with his new awakened senses. the man sitting next to him had a wide toothy smile, and small squinted eyes, long, dark, greasy hair framing his face. he could be attractive if his nose wasn't slightly bloody and his eyes wild and bloodshot. his teeth, yellow and cracked, also was a turn-off - he had obviously not only been doing crack, but smoking some shit too.

 

after his second line, everything was again sharper, but he felt his hands and neck beginning to sweat. he sniffed a little, starting to feel blood trickling out of his left nostril. he wiped his hand over his nose, and upon looking down and seeing the crimson, smiled and giggled a little bit. he watched as the other man - whose name was unknown to gerard - leaned down and took his third or fourth line off of the mirror with the dollar bill they had been sharing. it was the other man's dollar bill, of course - gerard was saving up for mikey and him and really couldn't spare the money.

 

after his third line, he started shaking a little and his breaths became uneven. something in the back of his mind was saying something along the lines of this isn't safe, you're going to die, or maybe become addicted again - no, scratch that, you're definitely going to be addicted after this, this man is dangerous, don't get raped, but gerard chose to ignore it - all that mattered in that moment was the incredible rush that he was experiencing. he loved the feeling, and that feeling just felt magnified after being clean for so long.

 

he stopped after hi fourth line, as his nose was bleeding steadily now, and his hands were twitching. he really didn't want to overdose, not today - he had only taken around thirty milligrams which, under some circumstances, causes people to overdose, and gerard couldn't afford to die.

 

he leaned back on the old and slightly sickly smelling couch and studied the other man take his fifth line. he looked graceful in a way, swooping down and taking it all in one go, closing his eyes as he leaned back and sighing contentedly. gerard mimicked the action, letting out his breath loudly.

 

they sat in a comfortable silence for a couple minutes, enjoying the high and the sensation of doing something they weren't supposed to be doing. the silence was shattered when the other man coughed and leaned forward, blinking. gerard looked at his curiously, and the man's gaze shifted ever so slowly to rest on gerard's face.

 

"that's gonna be, like, i don't know," the man sniffed some of the blood back up his nose, looking like he was enjoying the numb feeling. "like, fifty bucks?"

 

gerard's eyes widened in shock and dread. when he was going into it, it seemed like a good idea. but he had forgotten one crucial detail: the payment. back when he was heavily addicted to coke, he just took it from his former best friend, jepha, but since jepha had moved away he couldn't do that.

 

"i don't-" gerard swallowed, twisting his hands together in a coke induced haze. "i don't have any money."

 

the man's face relaxed. not in a good way, though- in the way where you don't really believe what you're hearing and you're just angry. he suddenly smiled an animalistic hungry grin and nodded sweetly. "oh, that's okay."

 

gerard furrowed his brow reproachfully. "ah, really?"

 

the man nodded and sighed again, leaning back into the couch. "yeah, no, that's fine - i have another payment in mind, though." gerard cocked his head to the side, urging him to continue. the man leaned forwards again so his face was mere inches away from gerard's and sneered at him. "i want to fuck you."

 

gerard leaned away from the man and shook his head. "no, um, i don't think-"

 

the man stood up and walked towards him. "yeah, i think that's the only payment i'm going to be accepting from you now. if we're going to be, ah, fuck buddies, then we should get to know each other, yeah?" he paused for a second before sitting down next to gerard. "because i know you'll be coming back."

 

"i'm not letting you fuck me." gerard set his jaw.

 

and so they came to a compromise, which was how gerard ended up kneeling in from of the man, hands braced on his hips. the man had a hand weaved into gerard's hair, moaning as gerard gave one final swirl of his tongue. gerard leaned back, attempting to pull off before the other man came, but the man pushed his head further, so the head of his cock hit the back of gerard's throat. gerard gagged, and the man came down his throat, causing gerard to choke a little.

 

the man held him there. "swallow it." gerard's eyes watered and, as much as he tried to, couldn't swallow with the man's dick blocking his airpipe. "fucking swallow it." and as hard as he tried, he couldn't - he shook his head and frantically hit the man's knee, beginning to cry as his vision got blurry from the lack of oxygen. the man sneered and shook his head, pulling gerard up by his hair. he spat on him and struck him across the face causing gerard's tears to flow faster and harder. "you're pathetic," he hissed, leading his out of the back room and through the deli to the front door by his hair.

 

as soon as gerard was outside in the one am air, the man's entire demeanor changed. "it's okay, i forgive you, i mean, you'll get better at it as we keep going on with this." he smirked and cracked his knuckles.

 

gerard stood there dumbly, eyes bloodshot and nose bloody, face tear stained and flushed as the man began to close the door on gerard. something took over gerard and before he could stop himself, he said, "what's your name?"

 

the man grinned manically before closing the door completely. "bert."

 

•••

 

everything was blurry. gerard stumbled over his own feet towards the direction of where he thought he parked his car, but to be honest, he didn't even know where he was going. that is, he didn't until he felt his feet move onto grass, and he looked around, still in a daze, and saw the trees and park benches and lawn of the park.

 

he tripped towards the lawn and fell down in the grass, not even noticing that he had fallen into another man's lap. the man jumped and tried to push gerard off his body as, well, gerard was obviously messed up - his nose was bleeding, like, come on - and he was a complete stranger. upon further investigation, he saw that, in fact, gerard was no older than a senior in high school, and seeing that the man was much younger than that himself, he decided to let the man lie there for a while.

 

the man fell back onto the grass, gerard's head resting on his stomach. he looked up into the sky and at the stars, marveling in the light that appeared to be like tiny pinpricks of light shining through a navy blanket. there was a comfortable silence. at least, it was comfortable for gerard. as for the man he so unfortunately - or maybe fortunately, who knows - fell on top of, it wasn't that comfortable.

 

gerard blinked rapidly, turning over so that his face wasn't stuffed into the other man's stomach, but rather facing the sky. it was a clear night, and the stars were impossibly bright in comparison to the dark sky.

 

while looking up at the stars, gerard suddenly realized something - he had met bert. the bert who was inked into his flesh, the bert who was going to ruin his life. and looking at the stars, he remembered - nebula. if that was bert, then maybe?

 

he craned his neck around to look up at the man, and was a little taken aback by his appearance. his hair was brown and flopped over his blue eyes that looked as if they could have smiled once but didn't have that same spark anymore. he had nice bone structure, a nice mouth - overall, gerard thought he was pretty attractive. he rolled his head back around to look back up at the sky and sighed a little. he brought a hand up to his nose and winced a little at the dirty skin against his sensitive flesh and the blood. sniffing a little, he closed his eyes.

 

"aren't the stars nice?" the other man said, causing gerard to jump a little. he turned and looked at the stars again, and yeah, he agreed. of course, they probably looked different to gerard, as he was not completely sober and still high off of the cocaine in his system. the sky, at least to gerard, in his coke-induced daze, was made up of purple and pink swirls, little white specks dotting the painted background.

 

he nodded slightly and rubbed his twitching fingers against the grass. "yeah," he slurred, responding to the other man as best as he could.

 

"okay," the man said, propping himself up on his elbows a little. "tell me what happened."

 

gerard looked at him a little skeptically and his mouth quivered. "i don't even-" he coughed a little, cringing at the spot of his blood on his hand. "i don't even know you."

 

"dallon." the man smiled a half smile. "that's me, i mean- i'm dallon. i go to school in the next town over. i'm just here to visit my grandma."

 

dallon.

 

gerard's mouth hung open as he gaped at the man, who frowned and leaned back a bit. "are you," he tilted his head to the side as if realizing something. "are you high or something?"

 

gerard nodded sluggishly.

 

dallon sighed. "do you, like, know where your house is? so i can take you home?" gerard shook his head, mind still on the stars and fucking dallon.

 

dallon shook his head and gently pushed gerard off of him so he could stand up. as soon as he was upright, he held a hand out to gerard, who shakily took it, pale flesh contrasting against the tan of dallon's hand.

 

he stood up unsteadily, leaning heavily on dallon. of course, with gerard's luck mixed with his mindset, his knees buckled and he fell and hit his head - hard - on a rock.

 

the last thing he remembered was dallon's worried face blinking down at him.

 

•••

 

"dude. wake up."

 

gerard blinked slowly, wincing as the harsh sunlight shone through his closed eyelids. everything was hazy and everything hurt- his eyes, his head, his- his head.

 

he reached up a hand and felt around his forehead, wincing as his hand made contact with soft gauze. he groaned a little, head now throbbing. he held his hand against his forehead, keeping it there until he felt another hand pull his away.

 

"no, don't touch that." somebody's voice spoke out, and gerard jumped, causing his head to throb more violently. he craned his neck around to spot the origin of the voice and spotted another teen, probably a little younger than gerard, staring worriedly back at him.

 

gerard sat up, groaning, as his head rushed and he blinked back stars in his vision. "who are you? where am i?" gerard struggled to recall the events of the previous night and failed, only causing his headache to increase. "what happened?"

 

the other teen sighed and reached over to the nightstand next the the unfamiliar bed gerard was on and grabbed two pills that were resting on it. he took a prefilled glass of water from next to them and handed them to gerard. "painkillers," he explained. he smiled a little as gerard gratefully tossed back the pills and drank the water until there was only a drop left in the glass.

 

"i'm dallon. this is my house." the other teen- dallon- shrugged. "you like, fell on me in the park yesterday, and i think you were high? you never told me why though, and like, i don't even know your name."

 

gerard blinked, and as his throbbing headache subsided, memories of the past night flooded into his mind.

 

dallon.

 

drugs.

 

stars.

 

the images rushed back in a wave, leaving gerard dizzy and dazed. he shook his head, blinking, and looked at dallon, who was looking back with concern evident in his eyes. gerard smiled apologetically, and promptly rushed out of the room and into a bathroom he could just barely see from his spot on the bed. he leaned over the toilet and heaved his guts out, pointedly ignoring the blood that ran through the saliva threads hanging from his lips.

 

all of a sudden, another hand was on his back, rubbing inbetween his shoulder blades soothingly and holding back his hair so it was out of his face. gerard jumped a little at the contact but continued to heave until his throat hurt and his stomach was dry. he leaned back onto his heels and dallon released his hair. it fell around his face in dark curls and gerard grimaced at the acrid taste of the vomit in his mouth.

 

gerard looked up at dallon to thank him but froze when he saw the guilty expression on his face. he fingered the hem of his shirt. "what?" he looked down and rubbed the fabric of his shirt. but no, no that wasn't his shirt. he looked back up at dallon, eyebrows furrowed.

 

"well," dallon played with his fingers. "your shirt was covered in powder- i think it was cocaine, oh gosh- and so i thought it would be a good idea to change it." he shrugged, a small apologetic smile on his face. "i- i mean, i saw the mark on your chest. not a lot of people are called dallon, y'know."

 

gerard paled and stood up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. he moved back to the bed, sitting down on the edge, letting himself fall onto the pale blue sheets. he looked at dallon who was hesitantly leaning against the doorframe. "well?" he said, voice cracking, trying to gauge his reaction.

 

"i mean," dallon shrugged. "i'm okay with it." gerard raised an eyebrow skeptically and dallon held his hands up in defense. "i do! i don't take in just any hot nameless guy."

 

gerard swallowed and blinked. "uh.. my name is gerard. i'm a senior." he shok his head, silently congratulating himself for getting out a full coherent sentence without stuttering at all.

 

dallon smiled a little. "gerard." he nodded, thinking a little. "can i call you gee?"

 

gerard let a small grin find its way onto his face. "gee, ye- yeah. i like that."

 

they smiled at each other in silence.

 

•••

 

gerard had stumbled home after a while, head still throbbing after the painkillers dallon had given him had worn off. it was around midnight when he finally left, getting dallon's number before making his way towards his home, which was closer to his own than he thought.

 

he opened his door and pretty much fell down the stairs to the basement where he stayed, not even bothering to attempt to stay quiet so his brother and mom could stay asleep. luckily, they didn't wake up, and he slammed the basement door, not being able to look at anything the same way- he compared everything to dallon's house, how dallon's basement was carpeted, how dallon's walls were white instead of a murky brown, how dallon's house was smaller, but much cozier in that sense. he fell on the small cot he slept on, not bothering to rid himself of his jeans before drifting into a sleep full of blue eyes and mirrors.

 

when he awoke, sunlight was filtering through the small window at the top of the wall, the only source of outside light to the basement. the entire room was dim, no other lights being turned on. he groaned, head still throbbing a little, bandage sticking to his forehead with sweat and dried blood. he blinked a couple times and sat up, turning around to sit at the edge of his bed. his mouth felt dry and his tongue heavy and rubbery. he shook his head a couple times and squeezed his eyes shut, watching the backs of his eyelids turn red and orange.

 

he let himself fall back onto the bed, making quick work of rolling over and curling back up into his blanket, desperately trying to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach and the burning of bile coming up his throat.

 

"gerard!" mikey's voice sounded from the top of the stairs to the basement, and gerard squeezed his eyes harder, pulling the blanket over his ears in an attempt to block out the noise that made his head pound harder.

 

gerard heard mikey's footsteps as they descended down the stairs. "gee?" his voice was quieter and more gentle this time. the edge of gerard's bed dipped as mikey sat on it, a hand resting tentatively on gerard's blanketed shoulder. "you okay?"

 

gerard grunted, head still pounding. he groaned a little as a war of nausea washed over him, leaving him in a state of sickness and pain.

 

mikey rolled him over and gerard heard him inhale a little. gerard didn't know what he looked like, but he assumed not so good because of the burning feeling in his nose and the sickness that rocked him- he guessed his face was pasty and pale, eyes bloodshot and purple-ringed, hair greasy and messed up, though his hair was almost always like that.

 

"gee..." mikey put a hand to his brother's forehead, drawing back a little at the heat radiating off his skin. "what did you do now? you're burning up. here, let me get you some water."

 

though mikey was the younger of the two, he acted like a mother for gerard when his actual mother couldn't. he would talk to gerard through his alcoholism, through his drug use, and take care of him when he was sick from the things he couldn't tell his mom about. not only was he his brother, but he was also his best friend- the person he could trust, no matter what.

 

when mikey returned with the water, he sat back down next to gerard, who was still curled up pathetically in his bed, typing furiously on his phone. "hey, gee?" mikey said, putting the water down on the nightstand.

 

gerard hummed, eyes still trained at the screen, smiling a little.

 

"who're you texting?" mikey smirked a little as gerard quickly shut off his phone and blushed a little.

 

"this-" gerard looked up and around to try to get a hold of what he was trying to say. "this guy i met. i think he's my soulmate."

 

mikey blinked a couple times. "oh." he looked down and back up at gerard's face."by the way, you never showed me your marks."

 

gerard blinked, repeating mikey's earlier actions. "oh. oh!" he pushed down his blanket and oulled up his- dallon's- shirt, revealing the black ink on his pec. "this is dallon. i- he's the guy i was texting. i met him last night. i- yeah. anyways," he pulled his shirt back down and revealed the mark in the flesh of his arm. "this-" he almost choked while saying the name, but continued nonetheless. "this is bert. i hate him. met him last night too."

 

mikey nodded, running a light finger over the slightly raised mark on gerard's arm. "cool." he nodded towards the water. "drink that. i'm going to get you some aspirin, okay? don't- don't do anything stupid. call me if you need anything." mikey stood up and smiled down at gerard before walking back up the stairs to get his brother some painkillers.

 

gerard sighed and pulled his blankets back up to his chin, eyes drifting shut after a while into a restless, painful sleep.

 

•••

 

it only took a couple days for gerard to go back, and when he did, bert was waiting for him. it became a never ending cycle- gerard would go and get high off his mind on coke (or other things if bert said so) and fuck or be fucked, depending on bert's mood. it really all came down to bert and how he was feeling- bert decided how much gerard took, bert decided the payment, bert decided what gerard took- and gerard wanted to stop, he really did, but the coke kept him coming back. it was an addiction now- the drugs, that is- and as much as he wanted to stop, he couldn't.

 

he would stumble out of the corner store, sometimes bleeding out of his nose, sometimes bleeding out of other places, and manage to get to dallon's house, where dallon would watch over him for the night and make sure he didn't somehow hurt himself. dallon would like to say that he kept gerard from doing drugs, but he couldn't. he tried, this is true, and as hard as he tried, and no matter how many times gerard said he would stop, he ended up relapsing and going back to bert who was waiting with open arms.

 

and this didn't end, at least for a while. it went on for months- approximately six, or that's what dallon would estimate- until november 12th, the night it all changed.

 

gerard was fighting with his father. again. mikey was hiding in the upstairs bathroom, and gerard knew that- yelling made mikey have panic attacks, and as much as gerard hated to see him uncomfortable, this was something he really needed to fight about.

 

his father had been explaining his old fashioned point of view on gender and gender bathrooms while on the phone when gerard had walked in- possibly at the worst moment he could. his father was just in the middle of saying "there are only two genders" when gerard had gotten within earshot, and he had been mad- mad enough to rip the phone away from his father's ear and start yelling at him.

 

and so they were in a screaming match when bam- a sharp blow landed on gerard's cheek, stinging the pale flesh. gerard and his father looked at each other in disbelief. gerard immediately left the house, ignoring the feeble attempts at apologies made by his father behind him.

 

his feet went to the corner store on autopilot. he blocked out his inner monologue that pleaded him not to go and opened the door, feeling a little twinge of regret when he saw bert's smug face smirking at him.

 

"rough night?" bert asked, leading gerard to the back room where the coke was. gerard nodded mutely, fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides. bert chuckled a bit and sat down on one of the old worn couches that gerard hated so much. "maybe you should have a little more than usual, then."

 

bert parted the coke on the mirror and gave gerard a dollar bill which he gratefully took. he rolled it and snorted three lines in one go, disregarding the burn in his sinuses and the tingling in the back of his throat. he blinked back tears and watched the rolled bill shake in his fingers, the result of a forming coke-induced haze.

 

bert took the bill from between gerard's fingers and took a few lines himself, throwing his head back with a slight giggle. he lowered his chin and looked at gerard, who wa staring at the floor blankly.

 

"take some more," he offered, shoving the bill into gerard's hand and pushing his face down towards the mirror. gerard didn't want to take more, he really didn't, but he did in fear of punishment in the form of sex that would make him bleed. after ten or so lines, his vision became blurry and his body started numbing, nose bleeding and hands shaking a bit. he leaned back and stared blankly into the air, gazing out at nothing.

 

bert waved a hand in front of gerard's face. no reaction. brow furrowed, he placed two fingers to gerard's wrist, feeling for a pulse. there was a pulse, but it was weak- barely there, to be honest, and that got bert a little worried. he didn't really care about gerard anyways, even though he was good sex and sometimes good money, but if gerard overdosed and died while in bert's shop, there would be an investigation, and that meant he was done for.

 

he dragged gerard out to his car with much effort, seeing that gerard was dead weight. he pushed him into the passenger side and slid into the driver's seat, not bothering to buckle either of them in.

 

it was late at night and the highway was empty, luckily, and bert drove to the nearest hospital, disregarding the speed limit. when he got to the hospital, he didn't even bring gerard in - he just pushed him on to the little strip of grass by the parking lot without really even stopping and took off, leaving gerard to be found by the hospital staff.

 

gerard was found by the staff, eventually. it took about an hour and a half for them to notice the heap of dark clothing by the edge of the parking lot, blood coming out of his nose and bruise colored bags under his eyes.

 

he was placed in critical care and, with the state he was in, they didn't know what it was going to take to save him.

 

•••

 

two weeks passed, and dallon basically lived at the hospital next to gerard.

 

he slept there, in the little chair next to gerard's bed, and helped gerard do anything he wanted to do. gerard would rarely do anything besides eat, sleep, stagger to and from the bathroom, cry and shake from withdrawal, but dallon couldn't complain- at least he was alive.

 

it was silent before dallon spoke. "how're you feeling?" dallon's voice was soft coming from the chair he was sitting in next to gerard's bed. he was reading some old novel that gerard had never heard of and didn't want to read.

 

"like absolute shit." gerard groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. there was no point in lying, really. everyone was expected to feel terrible at the hospital, so he had some sort of excuse.

 

dallon closed his book and leaned forward, opening his mouth to say something. his thought was cut off by a nurse opening the door apologetically. "i'm sorry, but mr. way? you have a visitor." gerard nodded and, as the nurse stepped away, glared at his new visitor. 

 

"hello gerard."

 

bert's grin was yellow as ever, and he chuckled a little at gerard's angry face, leaning against the doorframe and crossing one ankle over the other. "bert." gerard spat, venom dripping from each syllable that came through his cracked lips.

 

dallon watched the affair with wide eyes, eyes that darkened at the name 'bert'. gerard had told him about bert many times at this point, and dallon had hated him with a passion even though he had never met the man. knowing what he had done to gerard was enough.

 

"you," dallon said, standing up and turning to face bert. "nice to meet you." his voice was saturated with a sickly sweet tone, malice tinging the edges. "i've heard all about you." his eyebrows dropped and hooded his eyes, masking his face with a fierceness that gerard had never seen on dallon, and honestly, it was terrifying.

 

gerard spoke hurriedly from his spot on the bed, raising one shaking hand. "bert. i think you should go." he quickly glanced at dallon, whose fists were curled tight by his hips.

 

bert shrugged a bit and grinned, showing off his his yellowing teeth again. "why should i, sweetheart?" he uncrossed his legs and strode into the room, arms spread. "i just wanna say hi to my pal, my fuck buddy." he turned around and looked at dallon. "besides, giraffe daddy over here can't do anything 'bout it. he's what, fourteen?"

 

"i'm actuall-"

 

"i don't care," bert chuckled a bit and turned back to gerard. "besides, i miss you. don't you miss me?"

 

"no!" gerard sat up in his bed, head spinning a little from the sudden movement. "you left me to die, bert. i was almost dead. and you kept fucking giving me cocaine, even when i didn't want it. and you- you-" gerard let a sudden sob escape his chest, eyes pricking with unexpected tears. "you raped me, bert. i never wanted that sex and i told you so. what the fuck is the matter with you? i said no, i said no, i said it i swear-"

 

"eh," bert sighed. "nobody can prove it was me."

 

gerard looked at him incredulously. "i can tell the police. i can tell them everything-"

 

"do you really think the police will believe a crack head?" bert smiled sadly at gerard. "it's your own fault, y'know-"

 

there was a sharp crack and suddenly bert was spitting blood onto the floor.

 

"get out," dallon said, fists shaking, his left one starting to bruise on the knuckles.

 

"fine, alright, alright, i'm going." gert held up his hand, the other one holding his jaw. "but don't expect me to leave for good." he blew a kiss at gerard and waltzed out, blood still dripping from his cracked lips.

 

"i'm sorry," dallon said as soon as the door had closed behind him. "i don't know what came over me, i'm sorry, gerard-"

 

"it's okay. really, it is." gerard smiled sadly, leaning back onto his bed again, letting his muscles relax from their over-tensed state. "thank you."

 

dallon only nodded miserably, sinking back into his chair.

 

•••

 

gerard was soon after checked out of the hospital.

 

dallon had called the police and asked them to set up an investigation. he had told them he knew who had done it, that he knew who had hurt gerard. they didn't do anything, really. they had promised to set up an investigation.

 

it had been two weeks since gerard was discharged, and they hadn't done a thing.

 

dallon was sitting at home, on the floor, no less. he was shaking. sobbing, really, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks and into his pale palms. of course he was glad that gerard was checked out of the hospital, but bert. they had never done anything about bert.

 

and dallon, to be honest, wanted to kill him.

 

dallon was never a violent person. he was just a teenager, for god's sake. he didn't really believe in violence to solve problems- he never had. but he was so- so- starry eyed that he knew at this point he would do many things just to see bert behind bars.

 

he stood up, face still drying from his tears, and pulled his coat on, striding out of his house and down the road to the corner shop he knew bert basically lived at. he wasn't going to hurt him, no- not unless he had a good reason to. well, better reason than practically killing gerard.

 

it was a cold night. his breath swirled around him in frosty clouds, warm against his chilled face. his boots crunched in the thin layer of snow that had fallen over the past hour. he hunched his shoulders up to his face in an attempt to protect it from the harsh chill of the air around him.

 

when he reached the corner deli, he pulled one hand out of his pocket where it was buried deep. he pulled open the door, stepping gratefully into the warmth of the shop. "hello?" he called, hoping to come across as a normal customer. there was no response.

 

he frowned at the eerie silence of the shop. "is anybody here?" he unbuttoned his jacket and stepped farther into the room. there was still that deafening silence. the crease between dallon's eyebrows deepened and he walked hesitantly towards the back of the shop, eyes flitting back and forth to see if there was any sign of anybody being there.

 

when there were no signals, he placed a hand tentatively on the knob of the door that lead presumably to the back room. he turned it and opened it, wincing at the loud creaking noise the door made. he stepped into the room, hand lingering on the knob behind him. he looked around, and upon seeing nothing, started to leave, but the faint creaking noise stopped him.

 

dallon swallowed, suddenly feeling a little sick. he stepped back into the room and turned around, looking at the cabinet that blocked his view of the other side of the room. he peeked his head around the corner and stumbled backwards, one hand pressing to his face, covering his mouth.

 

the creaking noise had come from the rope hanging from the rafters of the ceiling. the other end of the rope was fashioned into a noose which was looped around the now-bruised neck of bert.

 

bert's body swung slightly back and forth, his lifeless arms hanging limply by his side. all of the blood had rushed to his neck, which was turning a dark, bruise toned purple around where the noose was cutting into the skin. his face was bright red, eyes slightly open, showing the whites of his eyes which were rolled far back into his head. his lips hung slightly open against his chest, revealing his yellowed teeth.

 

dallon turned away, his free hand flying to his stomach. in a daze, he staggered out of the shop and collapsed to his knees on the sidewalk, where he retched violently. he didn't care for bert, no, but he also didn't want to see him dead.

 

he knelt on the sidewalk for a long time, hands supporting his torso by propping it up on his knees. his entire body shook- his drew in ragged breaths in an attempt to calm himself down.

 

dallon slowly drew his head up, mouth hanging open with each breath he drew in. his hands fumbled with his phone and he dialed nine-one-one in a haze.

 

he held the phone to his ear with shaking hands. the line was picked up almost immediately.

 

"nine-one-one, what's your emergency?" the calming female voice on the other end spoke calmly. dallon drew in shaking breaths, trying to speak, but afraid he was going to vomit again.

 

"i-" he started, but a violent tremor wracked his body and left him silent, holding one hand up to his mouth.

 

"sir? are you alright?" the woman spoke again.

 

"yeah, i-" he exhaled loudly. "there's a- a suicide? i think?"

 

"alright, sir. what's your location?"

 

dallon looked up and around for any street signs because honestly, he couldn't think straight right now. "i- i don't really know, i'm- i'm really sorry, i can't think straight."

 

"it's quite alright, sir. we will have your phone tracked in order to dispatch a team to your location. please stay put, sir." the woman's voice was friendly- too friendly- and  
she spoke with a false calm that only caused dallon to feel even more sick. "a team will be arriving at your location in about five minutes, sir."

 

"okay," dallon rasped, and hit end call. his head began to spin and he couldn't breathe- the image of bert's body was imprinted onto the back of his eyelids.

 

detecting the first signs of a panic attack, he held a hand to his chest and breathed in, holding it and breathing back out. "fuck," he cursed, holding his head in his hands. "fuck, fuck, fuck."

 

at that moment, an ambulance and two police cars drove up on the empty street to dallon, sirens flashing.

 

it was all a blur from there. bert's body was removed and dallon was sitting in the back of an ambulance which was parked by the shop. a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders and he stared at the sidewalk in silence.

 

an emt- or at least that's what dallon assumed- walked up to dallon and bent down so he was at eye level with the younger man. dallon jumped as the emt began to speak.

 

"sir, can you tell me your name?" his voice, like the lady on the telephone, was soothing and calm.

 

dallon nodded blankly. "dallon. dallon weekes."

 

"dallon, is there anyone i can call to come get you from here? once you've calmed down from the shock, that is."

 

dallon hesitated. he could call his parents, but he knew that they would only fuss. he looked back up from the ground and at the emt. "yeah, i- gerard. he's my... friend. yeah." he spoke quickly. "you don't have to- i mean, i can call him. it's not a big deal, i- i got it."

 

the emt nodded uneasily. "i'm going to wait with you to make sure you're alright. is that okay?"

 

dallon nodded and fumbled with his phone. he managed to dial gerard and held the phone to his ear. it rang a couple times until the line was finally picked up.

 

"hi, gerard? it's dal-"

 

"you've reached gerard way's phone number! sorry i couldn't get to the phone right now. call me ba-"

 

dallon hung up and spaced out, dejected.

 

"well?" the emt spoke tentatively. "is he coming?" dallon shook his head. "alright. how about we call your parents, yeah?" dallon nodded, hands starting to tremble again.

 

"i'll do it, if that's alright." the emt leaned forward and hesitantly took the phone from between dallon's hands. "can you tell me one of your parents' phone numbers?"

 

dallon nodded blankly and relayed his mom's phone number automatically. he watched as the emt's lips moved as he spoke to his mother, but no sound was heard.

 

"dallon?" dallon's eyes focused and he was snapped out of his blank state. "your mother will be here soon."

 

dallon only nodded again, and let himself be led away when his mom's car pulled up.

 

•••

 

dallon's mother didn't really say much. she was obviously concerned, as any good mother would be- but she didn't want to press or make her son uncomfortable. and so, when dallon went straight upstairs into his bedroom as soon as they walked in the front door of their house, she didn't say a word and just let him go.

 

once dallon was in his room and the door was secured shut, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed gerard's contact one autopilot. it was a strange feeling- he didn't care much about bert, but seeing his lifeless body swinging back and forth from a rope sent his stomach twisting into the depths of hell in his stomach.

 

he held the phone up to his ear and stared at his wall blankly. the phone rang a couple of times before gerard's voice was heard.

 

"hi!"

 

"gerard? hi, it's dal-"

 

"it's gerard! i couldn't get to the phone right now, but leave a message and i will do my best to call you back!"

 

dallon groaned and fell back on his head, phone still by his ear. "after the tone, please record your message." he heard a high pitched noise and then started speaking.

 

"hi gerard, it's dallon. uh? i just... i just walked in on bert i guess. he's uh... dead. he's dead. i? don't know what else to say, i though i should just tell you... um, okay, that's all. i lo- okay, bye." he pressed end call and let his hand flop out onto the bed next to him, staring up at the ceiling.

 

he didn't really know how long he lay there on his bed, but soon (or it felt like soon, at least) his phone rang. he glanced tiredly at the screen and pressed accept call.

 

"hello?" he spoke groggily. he must have fallen asleep for a short while before the phone rang again.

 

"what do you mean, bert's dead?" gerard spoke in a small voice, almost afraid.

 

dallon was silent for a while, head spinning a bit with the refreshed image of bert in his mind. a wave of nausea washed over him and he screwed his eyes shut, pressing the heel of a hand to his head. "i mean... i mean that he's dead."

 

"you didn't... you didn't?" gerard's voice trailed off at the end, small and more timid than ever.

 

"no!" dallon spoke sharply.

 

"okay! okay... sorry..." gerard sighed. "i didn't mean to make you upset."

 

"it's- it's fine. i'm just-" dallon swallowed. "this whole thing makes me feel so sick."

 

gerard didn't speak for a second before inhaling loudly. "may i ask- may i ask what happened?"

 

"i-" dallon nodded before remembering gerard couldn't see him. "yeah. uh? i went to the shop and i dind't hear anything and he- oh." dallon shut his eyes and pressed a hand to his chest, burling his legs up so he could press his forehead into his kneecaps in an attempt to lessen the headache. "he had hanged himself, gerard- he- he committed suicide."

 

"oh," gerard whispered. a hint of relief was evident in his voice. "are you? are you alright?"

 

"yeah, i'm," dallon started. "no, i'm not, not really? i'm really freaking out about it. he looked so? dead and lifeless and it makes me feel so sick."

 

"you'll be okay, alright? i promise." gerard spoke softly, voice laced with a sweetness that dallon had never had directed at him before. "if you need me to come over, i can."

 

"no, that's alright, i think- i'll just have a ginger ale or something." dallon flexed his feet and pressed his head harder into his knees. "i- i think i have to go. is- is that okay?"

 

gerard's smile was legible in his voice. "yeah, of course. if you- if you ever need anything, i'm here for you, okay?" dallon smiled and hummed a bit. "alright. uh? feel better, okay? and uh, stay safe."

 

"you too," dallon rasped, head still in his knees.

 

the line went dead.

 

dallon stayed like that, with his head pressed into his knees, for a long time- even when his mother had gone to bed and left his dinner on the table for him to eat.

 

it wasn't until the next morning did he move from that spot on his bed.

 

•••

 

it took a while for gerard to recover. and dallon, for that matter.

 

bert's death took a toll on both of the boys. gerard didn't have another supplier and was forced to go cold turkey. he would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, sweating profusely and hand shaking from lack of the drug. dallon had signed him up for recovery groups with other people in similar situations in hopes of helping gerard through the process, and so far, it was working- he had met a couple new friends through the program as well.

 

dallon was suffering too- sometimes he would have dreams where he would see bert's body swinging from the rafters, and sometimes he would think he had heard a creaking of a swinging rope and he would break down, crouching against the wall and holding his ears to try and block out the noise.

 

they were both handling it, though- the supported each other.

 

they had spent the time since bert's suicide doing just that- keeping each other sane and healthy. gerard was recovered now, for the most part- he still attended those support groups, and dallon still had those dreams, but they were together and healthy and that's all that mattered to them.

 

when gerard went to college, it was harder- they would skype every day and would make sure to see each other at least once a month, but even then it was tough. they were still recovering at that stage, and without the physical support of one another, it was rough.

 

they made it, though. they made it.

 

it was nighttime. dallon blew out the candles with a sharp breath, smiling as his family - and gerard, who had come back from college - laughed and clapped around him.

 

dallon looked at gerard, who smiled slightly. gerard mouthed, "i'm proud of you," and dallon blushed and looked down at his feet.

 

dallon's mother made a noise and gestured to the clock. "oh dallon, honey, look! it's midnight! happy birthday, darling. alright, presents later, but you and gerard should get to bed."

 

gerard and dallon nodded, pushing out their chairs and taking the stairs up to dallon's room two steps at a time.

 

dallon's room hadn't really changed in the years that he had known gerard. gerard still got that nostalgic feeling from waking up in the same room all those years ago, and having dallon take care of him after that first relapse that started it all.

 

they lay down on the bed together, both looking up at the ceiling. their arm were flung out onto the bed, their fingers barely brushing. gerard looked over at dallon and gently linked their pinkies, causing dallon to look over and smile. gerard was the one who inevitably broke the silence. "are you scared?" he spoke quietly, as if the noise would harm them.

 

dallon was silent for a bit, just looking across the bed at their linked pinkies. he hummed a little, eyebrows furrowing slightly. "yeah." dallon's voice quivered. "absolutely terrified."

 

gerard smiled softly at him, using his pinkie to pull dallon's hand closer to his in order to weave all of their fingers together. "it doesn't hurt. i promise. i'll be here the whole time, okay? i love you."

 

"i love you too. i trust you, gee. just- don't leave me alone, okay?" dallon looked away from their clasped hands and up at gerard's concerned face.

 

gerard only nodded, lips twitching upwards at the corners. "i'll take care of you."

 

it was silent once more, only the sound of the beginning rain on the window to be heard. the noise was a comforting constant- something both of the boys lacked in their lives. gerard absentmindedly ran a thumb over dallon's knuckles. dallon's hand was still- that is, until it started to shake a little in gerards grasp.

 

gerard looked back over at dallon, who had his free hand pressed to his chest. he began to cough, and sat up abruptly, bending over his legs so his chest was pressed flat to his thighs, hand still holding his stomach.

 

gerard sat up too, gently pulling his hand out of dallon's grasp so he could check on the younger boy. "dal? are you okay?" gerard whispered, ducking his head to look into dallon's eyes.

 

dallon nodded, but then shook his head. "i- i don't know." his breath became ragged, exhaling in sharp bursts. "i think it's happening now, though." and with that, his eyes rolled back into his head, and he fell backwards on to the bed.

 

gerard made a concerned noise and scooted closer. he lifted dallon's head onto his lap and watched with fascination as the skin behind dallon's ear grew red, and then purple, gradually fading to black. he didn't know if that was supposed to happen, but all his concern evaporated when all of the color faded away except for the spots where the black spelt out a name and a word.

 

gerard ; nebula

 

gerard smiled a watery smile and brushed dallon's hair back off of his face. "i love you," he whispered, lightly kissing dallon's forehead.

 

"i love you, star boy."

**Author's Note:**

> comments + kudos appreciated !!


End file.
